I absolutely love gaming in all formats, and it will always be a part of my life, but there have been times when even I struggled to find the love of the game. Tabletop and computer gaming has brought so much into my life: friends, new creative ideas, refreshing ways to relax and unwind, however it has on occasion also brought negative elements. These aspects can be overcome or avoided just like many issues in life, but it can feel painfully hard, and sometimes we just want to give up.  Despite this, we should never have to give up the things we love because of the negativity of others or a few hurdles along the way.

So, after thirty plus years of gaming, here are a few toxic elements I have noticed in the gaming world, and ways to avoid them both in others and in yourself.

The Sore Loser: We’ve all had moments where we are losing and it starts to grind our gears. Whether we start making sarcastic comments, “Oh look I I failed another save,” turn emo, “I bet I won’t make a single hit against your unit,” or just become a silent storm cloud, this can bring down the mood of a game, and it’s understandable when the dice gods are just not in your corner.  

Trust me, I know. In one infamous 40k moment I had my Tau Fire warriors firing on a lone Psyker of the Imperium, and out of eight dice, only needing to roll above four… I rolled seven ones. Those statistics alone are abhorrent, but in the long run, it’s now just a funny story to tell.  

Some people, however, just exude that atmosphere in every single game. Sometimes you can try to perk up and coax a better attitude out of them, or perhaps staying positive may blend your attitude over. Remember, there is never a need to follow them down the rabbit hole. 

The Overly Competitive Player: sometimes you want a casual game and the person you’re playing is instead crunching the numbers, checking every inch, looking up every rule for every advantage. If you’re not that style of player this can be frustrating and draining, but in the end try to remember that this may be how they get their fun from the game. Yes, it can feel tedious, or feel like the game is stalling when they check every millimeter of distance, but focus on yourself: Why did you play today? What are your goals? To win, for the competition, or just to roll some dice, show off your painted army and have some fun?

If it was to have fun, show off your minis and play, then you’re doing it! The longer they take, the more your guys are on display, so relax and enjoy yourself, there will be other games. If you’re playing to win and crush your opponent then perhaps if they are winning, try and learn from them, Watch closely what they are doing, sometimes defeat is the best teacher. In the end the hobby is theirs too to enjoy in whatever format you choose, and sometimes you just need to roll with it. You can still treasure those great garage moments so much later when recounting the stories to your friends.  

In the end there is one simple rule with non-compatible players, unless you’re in a torment and your opponent is part of the ladder, you don’t have to play someone if you don’t want to. If their play style is not what you’re looking for, then you have to choose to play them, talk to them about it and let them know why. Honesty pays off in the long run and you never know, you might find you have common ground after all.

The Cheater: whether it’s in online games, the tabletop wargame, the rpg or someone not calling their hits on the battlefield in Gel Sports, there are those who feel the need to bend or break rules to win. Now while this may seem an extension of the competitive player, sometimes it can be for very different reasons, and so the solution is not always simple. Yes, sometimes this is just a person who needs to win at all costs and that can be a real drag. Once again you don’t have to play with these people. You choose the company you keep, if you don’t want to play then don’t. If it’s part of a competition and you think they genuinely cheated, call them out and see if it was a mistake, or calmly ask a judge or referee for a decision.

Sometimes your peers may be cheating because they are just tired of losing and feel bad, in which case, help them out. Coach them on pointers and tips, after all, making your competition a little harder can be a good thing. In the end every master wants to see their apprentice surpass them and become the master, that is the great goal of life.

In some cases I myself have fudged dice rolls downhill, and it was usually because I could tell the other player was having a bad time and needed a boost to enjoy it more, or I was trying to not have my RP character decimate all the carefully planned NPC’s of my GM. I am not saying play to lose as that sometimes robs a person of their victory and tastes just as bitter as defeat, but always remember there can be many reasons for people altering dice, and there is usually more than one player to think about in any game. Consider your and their reasons before a knee-jerk reaction to a potential dishonest action, and remember in the end it is still a game, to be played for fun.

The Truly Elite: on occasion players become so skilled at a game they consider themselves ‘top tier’, and in some cases rightfully so. They have earned their place through thousands of losses, learning from each and pushing into hundreds of victories, but it is still important to remember to always be humble.

Being one of the best doesn’t give anyone the right to treat other players as inferior, or destroy players with reckless abandon at every small game store tournament. Try mentoring or teaching new players rather than crushing them carelessly. While one can learn through defeat, crushing failure over and over again to someone who belittles you or uses you as a confidence boost rarely inspires a desire to continue playing the game. Such behaviour is a good way to turn off new prospects and players, and slowly kill the hobby you love. 

Playing games often involves a winner and a loser, but we should always try to be gracious in defeat and humble in victory. It helps everyone enjoy the game more. Yes, you can and should be proud of a win, and you can still be upset by a loss, but use those feelings to move forward in the hobby so that everyone enjoys it, including yourself.

As a last note, always remember that gaming is in general a social activity, and the more everyone is enjoying it, the better the game becomes for you and for everyone else.